We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
