Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
