my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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