we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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