I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
