He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
