I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
