bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
