"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
