I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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