I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
