i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
