You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My balls are so social today.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Someone came in the potted fern
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
