Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
