You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
