I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
