think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
