Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
