If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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