Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
