hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
