jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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