i permit you to call me
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i drank out of a bidet.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
