I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My pussy is not your playground.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
