He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
