she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
And then he peed in my hair
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
