I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Soap is not a condiment
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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