I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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