this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
one might say we're banned from that church
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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