Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
