I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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