seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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