Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
