Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Panties = found
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
