her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
