Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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