Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
