Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
