yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
