Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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