Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
