What a fucking waste of an outfit
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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