i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
