I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
