After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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