dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
