Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
