I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
