new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
