TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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