haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
