please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
