He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
