So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
