he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
we should paint friendship bongs
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