JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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