I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
