why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
